It’s a time for grief
As bushfires rage out of control over large areas of NSW, communities are left shattered in the midst of the resulting devastation and holding the incredible pain that comes with grief and loss. Many have lost their homes, their possessions, their livelihoods and some have lost a loved one. The nation aches with sorrow beside them.
In her book “Belonging”, Toko-Pa Turner describes grief as “the reaction to being torn from what you love.” We cannot escape the touch of grief on our lives; sooner or later it will enter our private world and leave its mark upon us. We will all, somehow, experience the ripping apart from that which we held so close; the tearing of the fabric that our life has worn.
Loss wears different faces. The loss of a loved one, the loss of relationship. The loss of our youth, our health, our strength. The loss of our home, of financial security, of a career. The loss of community, of a sense of belonging. The loss of our identity. The loss of feeling safe in the world, of being able to trust. The loss of a dream.
What do we do with grief?
Let grief in. Create a space for it beside you and allow yourself to walk with it. You have lost something precious and it is right that you mourn.
Give yourself time. Don’t rush the process. No telling yourself to ‘pull yourself together and get on with things’, and no allowing others to demand that of you either.
Be patient; grief’s path won’t always be linear, there may well be loops and backtracking along the way. That’s ok.
Be gentle with yourself. Grief is hard, deep work and there may not be space or energy for much else. Lower your expectations of yourself, put aside what you can.
Do not compare. Your experience with grief is just that; it will look different to that of your neighbour. There is no right way, so honour the way that is yours.
Seek support if it helps. You don’t have to do it all on your own.
How do we help someone who is grieving?
Honour their process, even if you don’t understand it. Grief doesn’t have a set shape or time limit.
You don’t need to try and make it better, you can’t. Let them do the important and necessary work of grieving.
Be there if they want you to be, respect their boundary if they don’t.
Don’t expect them to be the same. Recovery doesn’t mean there are no scars.
For more information about the therapeutic process, or to enquire about accessing my support as a therapist, please click here.