Boundaries can be described as something that marks where one area ends and another begins; the point of differentiation, of separation.
When referring to personal boundaries, it’s the distinction between self and other. I am here, you are there; two entities.
Consider the classic metaphor of a fence line. The space within the fence line is made up of you. Outside the fence is the rest of the world, including those closest to you.
What is a healthy boundary and why is it important?
Let me tell you a story about three little landowners…
The first little landowner surrounded her property with a fence that featured a number of gates that she was able to open and close as necessary; allowing flow and interaction between herself and her surroundings. Her fence line was well-maintained and the ground within her property was well-tended. She was aware of what her needs were to keep her space healthy and flourishing and from that place was able to give appropriately to others and the world outside as well as seek and accept support for herself. She had a firm yet flexible boundary.
The second little landowner’s gates no longer shut. Her fence was dilapidated and neglected, fallen down in so many places that access to her property was wide and easy. The ground inside was trampled from the many and various visitors, or ofttimes intruders, and full of weeds from lack of attention. She was so busy trying to meet the demands of others and keep everyone happy there was no time to tend to her own property. She was constantly exhausted, never felt like she had done enough and had no idea any more where she ended and others began. She had a flimsy boundary.
The third little landowner built a high stone wall topped with barbed wire. There was one gate that was heavily padlocked at all times. Those outside could not see what lay inside the wall and were denied entry. She worked long and hard; her land was heavily tilled yet struggled to produce a crop. She had exhausted her own resources and yet cut off from external support networks was fast approaching ruin. She was emotionally isolated; unable to ask for support and afraid to let anyone get too close. She had a rigid boundary.
So – which little landowner are you?
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