“But to sacrifice a hair on the head of your vision, a shade of its colour, in deference to some Headmaster … or to some professor with a measuring-rod up his sleeve, is the most abject treachery.” Virginia Woolf.
In a previous post I encouraged you to gently begin to explore your dreams by inviting your creative self to play. Today, by sharing from my own experience, I want to spend a little time looking at what can get in the way when we allow ourselves to take this step. I’d like to introduce you to resistance.
For me, I notice that when I invite my creative self forward and start paying attention to what she has to tell me, it’s not long before I hear another voice trying to get in on the act. The problem is, what this part has to say is not at all creative and definitely not helpful. The messages typically sound like this;
“You can’t do that!”
“That’s not going to work!”
“What makes you think you can pull that off?”
“You’re being … (fill in the blank with any of the following adjectives; stupid, ridiculous, irresponsible, selfish).
And of course, the big one – “You’re not good enough.”
I am face to face with Resistance. She is bigger than me, standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips, barring my way out. She is tall, her head nearly touching the top of the door frame. Dressed in no-nonsense, sensible clothes her hair is pulled tightly back in a bun. Her manner is harsh, critical and she does not want me to leave the room.
Creativity runs for cover and I feel myself deflating. Then I notice something else; peeking out from behind her is a much smaller, younger presence. Her hands clutch the fabric of Resistance’s skirt and her scared eyes are watching me. It is Fear.
Fear desperately wants me to stay inside, to stay hidden. She’s afraid I will get hurt, that something bad will happen. She’s trying to keep me safe; if I don’t try, I won’t fail. The only way she knows how to keep me safe is to keep me small so she enlists the power of Resistance to keep me doubting myself, convincing me that my dreams are stupid and impossible.
Together, Fear and Resistance make a formidable team and I have found that arguing with either of them is futile. I am discovering that I need to take a gentler approach. I need to coax Fear out, for it is she who is running the show. Resistance has a powerful stage presence and it is easy to get distracted by her performance, however, it is Fear that feeds her the lines. I need to hear what she has to say, I need to work out how to help her feel safe, I need to face what I am afraid of. As I do this work, as I learn to look after my fearful self, I notice that Resistance grows quieter and steps away from the door. I know she’ll be back, she doesn’t give up that easily, but I’m getting better at recognising who is holding her strings.
What about you? As you make time for your creative dreamer, who else joins in the game? Pay attention to who shows up, allow them a little room and see what they reveal to you. To not do so is risky; as Ms Woolf warns us, our vision is at stake.
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